Dazed and confused

I'm married now.

Photo credit my (awesome) Uncle Bill.  Obviously once I have more professional pics, I will overwhelm you with them too, so don't worry.

White dress and everything.  More about that at a later date I'm sure.  Family wedding with a fair number of both our friends, which everyone keeps telling me was really nice.

I feel like I have no idea if it was nice.  I mean, I was there, and I felt very present, but I really only saw half of it, maybe even less.  There was so much that happened while I was getting ready, or while I was waiting to come down the aisle, or while I was having photos taken....it's going to take me a while, and some serious assimilation of stories and pictures, before I really know what my wedding was like.

I didn't feel married on the honeymoon (particularly not around the ladies and their husbands swarming the resort with matching "bride and groom" bedazzled etc sweatsuits, thanks very much...)  I didn't really blink when we filled out our customs forms, marking "married" on a piece of paper for the first time in my life.

Nope, I didn't really feel married until yesterday.  When I had to go back to work.  And I'm walking down the street with my usual coffee, slightly disgruntled that my Starbucks people didn't realize I had been gone and clearly had undergone a life-changing event... (geez Starbucks people.  I mean, I know you remember my name, and my drink, and sometimes give me free stuff, and always have something nice to say to me, but could you not at least ask my where I've been?  I mean come on.  Its like you don't even care about me.  sniff.)  But I digress.  I realized as I was walking that I was feeling sad, for something I had lost - this moment where we built ourselves up for, the moment I had worked on for so long, was finally over.  And just like many other important moments in my life, I do feel a lingering sadness that it's gone, and it is not something we will ever experience again.  And I finally started to feel married.

And then I got to work and had to fill out my insurance paperwork for the year.  And as Rachel so wisely pointed out, "Nothing makes you feel really married like insurance forms."  Truth.