Friday, 15 July 2011

Wedding Drama: Uninvited guests

Yesterday, I had my first uninvited guest RSVP to the wedding.

I am still not sure how I feel about this, for a multitude of reasons, but here are the most useful:

a) the uninvited plus one is for one of Brandon's guests, who has been asked to be an usher.
b) This particular gentleman has been known to get beyond intoxicated at weddings, and make himself a nuisance to the other guests
c) perhaps if I let him bring an uninvited date, he will only bother her, and leave my other guests alone?
d) because we have asked him to be an usher, I actually have to invite this nameless chick to the rehearsal dinner as well?!?  This rehearsal dinner which already has almost 60 guests, to which I may not be able to invite my friends who are coming from England just so this guy has someone to share his hotel room?
e) I REALLY resent that this guy doesn't understand how wedding invitations work.  There is a reason all this formal stuff exists about wedding invitations, and it is so that everyone understands exactly what is going on. If her name isn't on the envelope, she is not invited.  Period.

So what do I do now?  I could tell myself that we have room, that it isn't a big deal - but really, it is becoming a big deal for me.  We got the RSVP last night, and it has been festering in my mind, distracting me from a Dance with Dragons (which halfway through is exactly as awesome as I'd hoped,) and I feel like I am not coming to a resolution on my own.

Please help.


  1. I'd green-light the wedding attendance, but not the rehearsal dinner. Just say your RD venue is already at capacity and the restaurant is SUPER strict about it.

  2. are these people local? if they live here, I agree with ceejus. if they are traveling in, probs have to invite the date to the rehearsal dinner.

  3. how local is local? Compared to my 50 relatives coming from Canada and the UK, I would argue that Richmond is local. And my parents, who live "locally" are still going to be staying in a hotel...

    so I really can't phone him up and tell him he was an ass for inviting a plus one? And the way he wrote it too, it said" Mr. So and So plus 1 guest, probably Miss So and So." Really? Probably?? ugh.

  4. Hopefully this helps a bit... This is something that can seem like a big deal before and eat up your emotional energy. But honestly after our wedding I wished I had not even paid things like this a second thought, they were so irrelevant in the grand scheme. Sometimes it feels like you want to put your foot down and say NO just because to assert some authority, because people are so damn cheeky! But if you have the space, and it's not a $ issue, just let him bring her. With luck he will become her problem if he gets drunk, and not Brandons.

  5. Also, I would say if they're staying in a hotel from necessity rather than choice or major convenience, they're not local.

  6. Sigh. You guys are right though, I do need to be a bigger person. I do so want to be petty though.

    Hopefully he at least sends me the name of the girl he is definitely bringing before the actual event, so I don't have to put Guest of So and So on her escort card!

  7. I would have Brandon explain either that you weren't expecting him to bring a date, out that you had not expected her to come one night early, so you don't have room for her at the reversal dinner but look forward to meeting her on saturday. I personally think that trans atlantic guests get priority, but that's just me, and doesn't necessarily follow wedding etiquette.