|the rutabaga got tired waiting for us to eat him, and decided to start a new life of his own. we ate him anyway.|
I imagine my experience is similar to that of someone consumed by baby mania, a combination of hope, fear, and feelings of complete inadequacy.
I am a project-oriented person, its what gets me through the patches in my life. In London I realized one of my big dissatisfactions with the day to day was the lack of having a project to work on, because it wasn't practical.
In our tiny apartment, I look around and know that I have run out of spaces to put things, and that I have run out of patience with the things not to my satisfaction. I want more than 1 room to exist in, so that if someone plays loud annoying video games, I don't have to walk around my own living room in headphones. I can't wait until the day that when something goes wrong, I don't think to myself, "well that is going to come out of the deposit." I want to be able to redo a bathroom, paint walls a colour other than white, buy real furniture, and to not have the weight of moving in another 9 months pressing down.
But there is no avoiding the fact that we are pretty broke, and it doesn't really matter how much I want this. In this area, it will be a hell of a long time before we have enough for a down payment with a sensible mortgage.
But I would really like my own space please.
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