Thursday, 17 February 2011

Will you marry us?

Granada Cathedral.  Next to the Alhambra it doesn't get a lot of love, but is it not breathtaking?
Last night we had our first meeting with the minister who is going to marry us (Its funny to me that we use the same verb for the people marrying each other as the person performing the marriage...but I digress.)

I had spoken to him over the phone, explained my unusual situation (I am not baptized) and he gave me the impression of being a super nice guy, but I went into last night feeling very hesitant.  And now, post meeting, I feel a mixture of relief and slight puzzlement.

As we walked up to his house, I thought, "What a nice house," and Brandon thought, " Awesome, they're Duke fans!" (flag on front porch.)  We sat down, chatted for a bit, and then began to go over the service, which is going to be straight out of the Methodist Hymnal.  Well, except for two exceptions: one, removing the reference to marriage as a union between a man and a woman (because I support everyone's right to be married) and two, removing the reference to affirming my baptism (not really applicable here.)  And I find that although I am not religious in the sense that I do not belong to an organized religious group, I support the message of the service, so its working for me:  You should love and support each other, and your home should be a place of welcome for others in the community of your lives, and whether you do that in the name of God or because it is the right thing to do is not necessarily a sticking point for me.

Is it wrong for me to be married by a minister when I am not baptized?  I would argue no, since he is fully aware of this, and has agreed to do so.  In fact, since I am in support of the message, I am pretty sure that somewhere in his minister's handbook he is actually obligated to, well, minister to me (although he could insist I get baptized.  Which he has not.)  So I guess what is vaguely haunting me is not that I am not OK with the situation, and not that he is not OK with the situation, but that someone on the outside might point their finger at me and say, "How could you?!  You don't really believe in any of this stuff!"  I think whether or not I count as a believer is a matter of interpretation, but why do I even care about what anyone else thinks?

This seems very shallow, but what I am more concerned about is this:  suddenly, there is a segment in my service that involves me kneeling in my dress.  Shit.  It is even possible for me to kneel in this dress???  Not an event I had foreseen, let me tell you.  This weekend, when I go to my parent's and try the dress on (for the only and only time allowed in February), I will check, and report back.

I think I feel a lot better getting this all out of my system.  Thank you.


  1. Ok, first off, your beliefs and your baptisim, or lack thereof, are no one's business. It's between you and God. Period.

    I wouldn't worry about it. I spent MONTHS stressing about how my family would react to us getting married outside, and how JON'S family would react to the pastor who was marrying us (to them, clergy of any kind = evil). It worked out fine. No one said (and I'm assuming thought) anything other than YAY WEDDING.

    As for kneeling ... you totally can. It's getting back up that's tricky. Just practice.

  2. hahah you can kneel, I'm pretty sure. you may have to hike it up a tiny bit at the hips before you kneel down to make sure you have full movement. but just smooth it back down when you stand up and you'll be ok. I mean I never tried to kneel but I did get pretty low on the dance floor, hee.

    and yep, your baptism and faith are your own business alone. anyway I think it's pretty common for the religious aspect to be more for one partner than the other, or more for the parents than the couple, or whatever. who's going to judge? nobody important. :)

    now taking communion, I would object to, if you're not baptized. I'm not baptized either and I took communion once and it was the one moment in my life I felt damned to hell. haha. not that the priest said anything! I just felt weird in my bones.