overacheiver much?

I sometimes feel really guilty about this wedding planning stuff.  Guilty enough that I feel like I need to clarfiy why I am doing so much myself, by hand.

Like the whole blue and white china thing.  I am doing this to save money, but in the back of my mind, I feel like people think I am trying to show off and be artsy.  Really I am just trying to be thrifty!  [Every bone in my body fights me on that part, but I am really trying.]  Plus part of me thought it would be nice for people to take home customized vases as souvenirs?


Or for example, I went a little crazy with my Christmas cards (although nowhere near as crazy as the year in college where I made them from scratch using scrapbooking stuff.)  I bought nice cards using one of our fave engagement photos, and then decided I was going to use calligraphy for the envelopes, to practice for wedding invitations.  And then a coworker convinced me (she was so right too.  smart cookie.) to just print the addresses right on the envelopes, and they look so sharp now.  But instead of feeling lucky that I was able to save time and effort, I worry that people will think I paid a ton of money for matchy-matchy envelopes.  What is wrong with me?

Sometimes I think so myself, people who are my friends wont judge me [but what about Brandon's friends?], they will just think wow, these are so nice!  But in the back of my mind, there is always this aspect of hoping to please everyone...and at a certain level, I should just admit that I would like people to think I am a stylish designer, because heck that's what I do for a living!

hmph.

There isn't a whole lot I can really do about it, in the end.  Because my nature will always win out, and whatever I do will be as over the top as I can possibly come up with.  So I suppose I should be working on convincing myself to live with it, instead of worrying about what other people think.